Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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