I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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