yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
