she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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