why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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