dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
