We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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