shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
