I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
