Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
