I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
