When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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