you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
