I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
