there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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