I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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