3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
