There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
