Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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