did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
