the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you had me at cake vodka
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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