Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
