I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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