You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
