I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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