I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
