She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
