And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
