My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
