similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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