you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
