Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
