he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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