Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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