a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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