we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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