Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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