seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
