Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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