You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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