16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
