I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so that wasnt chicken after all
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
