Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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