im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
