hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
