Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
