I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
please don't ironically join a cult
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