you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
