I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
