Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
