she was so not down for the gang bang
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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